Diet pop

So thank you, US government, for coming out with a study stating that people who drink diet pop are SO much more likely to develop Cancer, Heart Disease, Strokes, probably goddamned AIDS.....what a dumb study. Yeah it's probably not the best thing for you, but look at the people who drink it. Giant sedentary fatasses who order 3 double cheeseburgers and "scale back" with a diet coke. Desk bound white-collar stumps that chain drink the shit while getting zero exercise all day. Nervous smokers who need to do something with their mouth. And finally, perfect specimens like myself. Fucking people these days. Scared of every damn thing. Swine flu. Terrorists hiding bombs in pens. Body scan deals at airports. Cell phones giving you cancer. News flash: people fucking die. For all of the "Wholesome, natural foods" and 'Exposure to 1/50,0000 of the carcinogens" that people had in the 19th century, they still died of  infected cuts and measles and shit.

I swear, if FOX News ran a headline such as "Terrifying new study finds that being born results in 100% mortality" you'd have panic in the streets. And these people get to vote. Let's start up like a Monarchy or something. People are just too goddamned dumb.